Sunday, July 5, 2009

Travels, bloody travels!

How to significantly reduce travel costs without investing in costly video conference rooms could be today's subtitle.

The answer is simple and clear; by making travel preparations, execution and reporting as painful as possible.



The basic principle is old fashioned Soviet-communist suspicion. Controlling and observing was once decent professions. I once saw a CV where the role "Chief Observer" was an important past experience. Did you say adding value? No, that was not part of the plan. So, what do we do? We fill out forms - not one form, but forms.
The principle is simple; If I shall travel to Paris or somewhere else, I have to fill out a form requesting our CEO(!) to send me on a mission to where ever. This has to be filled out in English and Russian. The translation normally takes from one to two days. The Russian translation is important since none in our international, modern hotel development's HR department speaks or read English. The hotel should have hired more old fashioned spys with experience from London, Paris, New York or Longyearbyen and not these local informers. So I get an order to travel on a special mission to somewhere. Our travel department issues hotel vouchers and airline tickets. Business class hopefully!

Then I can dream of taking off.



Friction lock - set
Mixture - rich
Propellers - fully forward
Flaps - set - 10 degrees
Engine gauges and suction - check

Mixture set to maximum percent - recheck
Flight instruments...
Altimeters - check both
Navigation lights - on
Strobes - on


Ice is forming on the tips of my wings,
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything,
No navigator to guide my way home,
A soul in tension that's learning to fly.

You confirm - Alpha Victory ready for departure - and wake up. It's time to make porridge for breakfast and off to yet another day at work.

A dream unthreatened by the morning light,
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night.



You get used to it. If you put a frog into a big pot, he will swim around. If you light a fire under the big pot, the frog will still swim around feeling comfortable. The water gets warmer, he's still happy and sort of indifferent. As the water gets warmer and warmer, the frog gets more and more indifferent or careless and finally the water boils. The lady at the local market calls out; "Frogs! Frogs! Freshly cooked frogs!".

If my mission is to Paris the two most important things are to keep the boarding pass from the flights and to get a stamped and signed note from the company visited stating that I actually visited and not frequented bars, cabarets and casinos.

Russians are experts on rubber stamps. The most important is the round stamp - you have to have special permission from the ministry to acquire a round stamp. Only seals are superior to round stamps. One of the Ivan's used seal lacquer with eagle feathers for the most important documents. The phrase - By my seal and feathers - is widely used today and originates from those days. The next in line is the triangular stamp. If you run a business, you have to apply to local authorities to have a triangular stamp. Square stamps like "Rett kopi bevitnes" can be ordered through the local rubber stamp shops. Even a small town with a few thousand inhabitants will have at least one rubber stamp shop.

Rubber stamps should only be given to responsible adults. As a kid I stamped my mothers anatomy and physiology text books with red and blue pig and sheep stamps. She laughed for weeks.
SH should buy fancy rubber stamps to be used in case of visits from the Hotel Development. A pink pig or pony rubber stamp or maybe a moose and a note - "This is the only stamp we have" - would have been great way of confirming a meeting.



Or - Why not get the seal of the former CCCP? One internet dealer says;

Our Seal Of The Soviet Union rubber stamps are durable and ready to provide years of trouble free use. With an easy grip handle, the rubber used holds just the right amount of ink to brand your documents. Priced at a very affordable cost, these official rubber stamps are a must have. With an image measurement of 2 1/8-inches x 1 7/8-inch, this stamp is sure to be noticed. Don’t let your pages go bare any longer. Order your very own Seal Of The Soviet Union Rubber Stamp today!



That won't work today. Get yourself a self inking stamp from the famous GRM stamp factory sold through Alibaba.com. In a country full of Alibaba's someone actually called their company Alibaba. Amazing! Here you can get the most complicated designs. Not like the moose from a hobby shop in Norway.



By the way - I've sent in my application for vacation. Three forms was all. It's only three weeks this time. Wonder how I can get the remaining 25 days? Resigning, and moving, maybe.

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